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User blog:Joeaikman/Han Solo vs Peter Quill - Rap Battle
Woah. A Joe battle? Woah. That’s something. My first battle for quite some time, and written over a spell of about a year and a half, making it officially the longest written battle I’ve ever written! Some thanks has to be given to GravityMan for some help with characterization and a couple of lines in the final battle. This battle is one that had been done before. It pits Han Solo, the galactic smuggler from Star Wars, against Peter Quill, better known as Star Lord, the swashbuckling leader of the Guardians of the Galaxy, in a battle for who is the best smart talking space smuggler in the galaxy! Star Lord Rap-off, bro. Me and you. Don’t hold back any hammers You might know me as Star Lord, I know you as Indianna Milano cruise control flow, I’m collecting chick’s numbers You can collect an STD your girl picked up from her brother I’m taunting this tauntaun! Bars on target like an X-Wing Sad because your girl and black best friend are sexting Let me give you a leg up! Me and my pals already got this won Your chances falling faster than you after the talk with your son Han Solo Never tell me the odds! The Kessel run couldn’t be beaten Till I did it in twelve parsecs, so you should be easily defeated You wanna talk about falls? Gamora dropped and you couldn't stop it Now I'm going to blast this chubby bitch right back into the Office! Light Speed raps! You're one sandwich away from being fat You're more consumed with lust than Drax is with wrath Whether it's Ego or Yondu, you'll always disappoint your heritage I'm going to ravage your verses faster than cancer did your parentage Star Lord You’re bitchin’ ‘bout your bitch kid, but Luke’s probably his daddy, Your wife’s working off your debts in a bikini if you wanna talk about family You've got Stormtrooper aim because all your shots are missing me Turn your tail, Solo! Get back to your hive of scum and villainy Han Solo You’re getting cocky, kid! I could take you out whilst being blind You don’t need hokey celestial powers with a blaster by your side You're just discount Tony Stark in the discount Space Avengers Half the galaxy died because Quill couldn't control his temper Star Lord You're old, Solo! Came back just to die! That's the worst! When Leia touched your sabre Han definitely shot first! Spending all your time with Chewie, but your girl still ain't jelly She turned to the Dark Side when you put a Sith Lord in her belly! Han Solo Accuse me of bad parenting? You’ve got more daddy issues than Thor You let the whole galaxy down when you didn’t kill your green whore I’m still in my prime! Flying casual against this Pratt’s galactic lack of flow You don't need to tell me you loathe me again! Believe me, I know! Peter Quill My team are my family! You've got no-one left at home! Get your lips around my rocket and suck my infinity stones! I would have thought that bad feeling would have been enough! Better save your girl a razor so she can shave her Wookie muff! Han Solo I've got the verses where they count, though it might not seem it, Teeing off with Boba and showing princesses a proper sized penis, I've been going for Millenniums, you're just a flash in the pan You’re flying Solo tonight, boy, with celestial semen in your hand Who Won? Peter Quill Han Solo Category:Blog posts